For couples seeking to end their marriage with dignity, reduced conflict, and greater control over the outcome, divorce mediation has become an increasingly popular and effective alternative to traditional litigation. In mediation, a neutral third-party mediator facilitates negotiations, helping you and your spouse reach agreements on all aspects of your divorce, from asset division and parenting plans to spousal and child support. While the mediator guides the process, they cannot give legal advice to either party. This is why entering mediation with your own divorce mediation attorney is not just advisable; it is a strategic decision that empowers you to negotiate knowledgeably and ensures any settlement reached truly protects your long-term interests.
How Mediation Works with Your Attorney by Your Side
The mediation process is typically collaborative and future-focused. With your attorney present, the structure is clear:
Preparation
You and your attorney will prepare by gathering financial documents, identifying your goals and priorities, and discussing your legal rights and options under state law.
Joint Sessions
In meetings with the mediator and your spouse (and their attorney), you discuss each issue. Your attorney helps you articulate your position, ask pertinent questions, and understand the proposals on the table.
Private Caucuses
Often, the mediator will meet with each side separately. In these private meetings, your attorney can give you candid legal advice, discuss strategy, and help you evaluate offers without the pressure of the other party in the room.
Drafting the Agreement
Once a full agreement is reached, your attorney’s role is critical. They will review the drafted Memorandum of Understanding or Settlement Agreement to ensure it accurately reflects what was negotiated and is legally sound before you sign.
The Tangible Benefits of This Collaborative Approach
Choosing mediation with counsel offers significant advantages over both unrepresented mediation and full-scale litigation:
Informed Decision-Making
You make choices based on a clear understanding of your legal rights, not just on emotion or the mediator’s suggestions. Your attorney ensures you are not unknowingly waiving important entitlements.
Focused on Your Interests
Your attorney’s sole job is to protect you. They help you identify your true needs (e.g., keeping the family home for stability vs. needing liquid assets) and negotiate to meet them.
Efficiency and Cost-Effectiveness
While there is a cost for both the mediator and your attorney, mediated divorces are almost always significantly faster and less expensive than bitterly litigated cases that involve discovery, motions, and a trial.
Preserves Relationships
This is especially vital when children are involved. A less adversarial process lays a foundation for a functional co-parenting relationship post-divorce.
Why Not Just Use the Mediator as Your Lawyer?
It is a common misconception and a serious ethical breach for the mediator to act as an attorney for either party. Their neutrality would be compromised. Without your own counsel, you are navigating complex financial and child-related legal issues without an advocate. You might agree to something that seems fair in the room but has negative long-term tax implications or doesn’t align with legal standards for support.
Choosing the Right Professional Support
Successful mediation requires a skilled mediator and equally skilled advocates. When selecting a divorce mediation attorney, look for one experienced in both litigation and mediation, as they understand what happens if mediation fails and can negotiate accordingly. A firm like Orsinger, Nelson, Downing & Anderson, LLP which promotes mediation services, understands this balanced approach. By combining the cooperative framework of mediation with the protective advocacy of your own lawyer, you gain the best of both worlds: a civilized process that leads to a durable, fair, and legally enforceable divorce settlement. Click here for more information.
